Giving and Receiving Feedback Graciously with "I want A RANT" tool was inspired by my time working at Embodied Love festival with Bear Philips. Bear's sub stack details their 'A RANT' tool and I've built upon that to help people in festivals, or in life, to give and receive feedback well. This is a vital skill in playing and working together harmoniously. We have to be able to have ruptures if we are to live authentically and therefore we need the ability to repair them by giving and receiving feedback graciously.
I want A RANT: Intention, Request, Appreciate + Acknowledge, Needed (for repair), Time (to heal)
- I want: INTENTION: Have the intention to rebuild trust with that person. We are all ultimately looking to be heard and understood so that we know we are seen, safe and secure.
- A: ASK: Ask for consent to offer feedback “Do you have a moment now / later to talk about something that came up for me, please?”
- R: RECEIVE, REFLECT, RECOGNISE:
- Receive the gift of feedback with “Thank You” This honours the vulnerable process of giving feedback and prevents us from going into a defensiveness. Take a pause. Honour the other. (The full version is “Thank you for caring enough to give me honest feedback about how it felt for you. I’ll carefully consider what you’ve said.”) Then
- Reflect back what you heard… “I hear that when I… you felt….”
- Recognize the impact as fully as you can. “I can see how it caused…”
- N: NEEDED (for repair): Ask for what is needed or offer something to repair the rupture.
Examples are:
- reassurance that I’ll be more careful,
- apology,
- hugs,
- another check in later. - T: TIME (to heal) Allow for time to pass before expecting it all to calm down.
Have a go for yourself. It's much better than bottling it up and holding resentment. It's also nice to receive feedback as a gift, because it makes you feel great and much more resilient. Good luck!
